Thoughts of a First Time Mom

This past weekend my sister Ashley and her husband surprised us and drove down from Montana. We had been planning a Clawson Family "party weekend" and were starting our first activity (bbqing outside) when she opened the back door and said, "Look's like there's a party going on here!" We were screaming and crying and laughing all at once. Ashley and Casey will most likely be moving to Texas for Casey's job and since she is pregnant with their second boy, we thought that it would be a very long time until we got to see them again.

 Looking at Ashley pregnant, I was surprised at how often I said to myself, "Oh yeah, I've done that." I had pretty much forgotten that you have to be pregnant first before the cute babies come.  (It's probably the PTSD of my pregnancy that wiped it from my memory) :)  It's weird to think that I have gone through that experience that so many people have.  I don't know ladies, isn't it crazy to see your babies and realize they came out of your stomach?  Blows my mind.

Since I'm a first time mom, I thought I would write down some of my thoughts and realizations.

• Everything they say is true.  "Hold on to the first few months, they grow up so fast."  I was so sad when I boxed up the newborn clothes. "There is nothing harder than being a parent, but it is so worth it." Sometimes I don't get off the bed until 6 at night, because I need a big soft surface to hang out with babies, and by the time Brian gets home I'm so flustered that I'll hand them over and say see ya! "Sleep when they sleep.  You have to or you won't make it."  I want to clean! But if I don't sleep when the twins sleep, I would be a walking zombie. "You have to make time for yourself." Showers are my me time- I shower for way too long but it's just so nice. You get so much advice when you have life-changing events taking place and sometimes it doesn't apply to you.  But it seems like with babies, when a mom tell you something, it's true. 
• I thought I would have been peed on more?  Two boys... need I say more?  But surprisingly it's only happened 2 or 3 times.  Thanks boys!
• Every milestone is like winning a trophy.  It is SO much fun.  1 month mark, 2 month mark, etc.  Smiles, laughs, noises, rolling.  I love every minute of it and lok forward to all the milestones I can be apart of.  Brian said this the other night after I got some coo's out of Finn: "I can literally hear your heart melting from here."  It's so true.
• There is absolutely nothing better in the entire world than a baby sleeping on your chest.
• I worry about every little thing.  I can't help it.  It comes with the job to all of a sudden become a neurotic, paranoid mess.  Right ladies?  It's exhausting.  "Did he just cough?"
• I need to be proud of the battlefield that is my body.  Every stretch mark is a testament to my sweet babies and my husband and Heavenly Father think I'm more beautiful than ever.  Scars have the greatest stories. I am lucky to have them because it means I'm a mom and not everyone has that opportunity.

 

That's all I can think of right now. What are some of your thoughts on mothers/being a mom?

2 Months Old!

Our sweet babies hit their two month mark on the 15th of April.  I can't believe it's been two months since they came into our lives, and yet it seems like we've been parents for forever? Here's a little bit about each one:

Mr. Crew

Crew was almost a pound bigger than his brother at 7 lbs 4 oz at birth.  He was breech in my belly the entire time, and had his large head wedged underneath my rib. 

Crew started rolling over from his stomach to his back at 2 weeks.  We thought it was a fluke until he did it 2 more times after that.  He hasn't stopped since that day and is faster at it than ever. We're in trouble.

He has a TEMPER.  From the day he was born when he cries he will get so mad that he holds his breath and turns purple until we blow in his face.  I use to get really upset and start to cry when he did that... I'm over it. :)  Apparently when Brian was a baby he would hold his breath until he passed out and then have seizures every day until he was 18 months old.  So I'm grateful we don't have that going on!  Poor Brian's mom.

He's so handsome....  (Hello ladies...)

He likes to lay on his belly (to help with the gas), and sitting upright resting against my legs until he falls asleep.  He also likes to be bounced and walked to sleep.  Daddy does it the best.

 

 Mr. Finn

 

Finn was born 2 minutes before his brother at 6 lbs 6 oz. He would get the hiccups at least once a day and I loved feeling the rhymthic movements

 He's so handsome too! He has a calmer demeanor than his brother and will sometimes put himself right to sleep.  Well, he use to... :)

 

He likes to do these weird stretches when you pick him up when he's been asleep and will stay in that shape in the air

He is an amazing eater, and has since overtaken his brother in weight. We'll find out tomorrow their specific weights for their two month appointment.  I'm sure he just wants to be older and bigger than his brother.  Pretty sure they'll always be competing in some way? 

He loves sleeping on our chests and getting his back patted until he falls asleep.

 

They love to take baths and ride in the car, and they're starting to look more and more alike.  Often times we'll have to take a second glance at which one we're holding to see which baby we have.  If it weren't for their head shapes it would be much harder to tell them apart.  (Don't worry, if we ever get desperate and don't know who is who, Finn has a birth mark on his bottom) (kidding people) (but seriously, he really does have the birthmark). 

 

 I can see them acting like the Weasley twins and trying to fool people, especially their momma, on a daily basis.  Who am I kidding?  They're Brian's children, they'll be jokesters til the day they die.  Sometimes they'll start to cry and when we get to them they'll stop and crack an eye open to see if we're there.  I often don't leave my bedroom because they tag team all day.  One will start crying and as soon as I get him settled the other will start.  "Okay brother, you can stop now, I'll get her for a while.  Hehehehe."

 

I hope they'll be best friends.  Brian told me a few weeks ago that when he was younger his family moved around a lot and often times he would walk the playground all by himself.  Heart. Breaking. I love that my boys will always have someone they can play with, and I'm so excited to see how they will react and play with eachother as they get older. 

 

But for now I'm content with my little boys who aren't quite so little.  Anyone know the way to Neverland?

 



 

A tale of two boys

The boys are sleeping!  Quick I better hurry and get this down before one or both of them wake up. :)  I'll just jump right in and start from the beginning. (By the way, the abundance of detail is more for my benefit so I can remember this in the years to come, sorry if it's too much for everyone else)

On July 4th of 2012, Brian and I were on our way to Brett and Patsy's house to celebrate the 4th.  While getting out of the car I casually said to Brian, "You know, I'm almost 5 days late. Weird."  He probably just shrugged because as many of you ladies know, when you get married it's pretty much a fact that you'll be wondering about whether you're pregnant or not.  Not to mention just how many pregnancy tests we go through to make sure.  As we walked in I also told my mother in law about me being late.  (Don't worry, she's pretty cool.)  I remember the look she gave me when she said, "Go get a pregnancy test."  I honestly didn't think I was pregnant because I had taken so many over the past year.  But hey, what the heck?  So Brian and Chloe ran to the Dollar Store and picked up a couple of tests.  By this time several family members and friends were arriving for the festivities and Brian and I ran upstairs.  As we waited for the test we began to see two little red lines appear.... I believe at this point I began to hyperventilate, for I had taken enough of them to know that 2 lines means yes.  Brian, however, thought it was the other way around and let out his breath, "Oh it's negative." "No my dear, it's positive."  This was one of the most wonderful moments in my life as Brian and I hugged each other for several minutes and were crying for joy.  It was so crazy at that time for me as a woman to actually know that I had a little life (lives ;) inside me and that my body was capable of such a thing. Then it hit us.... we sat down and said about 10 times...

 "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!?!"

 

The infamous pregnancy test picture

 

 It was still very early at this point to be telling anyone, but we obviously couldn't go downstairs with our red puffy eyes and say, "Nope, false alarm." So we walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where the few people who knew what we had been doing looked at us anxiously.  We probably didn't even have to exclaim, "We're pregnant!" because they could see it on our faces.  Us getting pregnant was incredible because the month before I had found out that they had found a growth on my pituitary gland that causes irregular hormone levels and infertility.  Brian and I thought that we might not get the chance to have children, and Patsy confided in us once, "I was gearing up to the fact that you might not have kids."  It was and is an absolute miracle.  Funny story, that same day Brian had really been thinking about his lifelong dream of being in the military and had said to me, "Would you be okay if I were to join?"  I told him yes but asked if he still would if I got pregnant in the near future.  He said, "Then I wouldn't go."  Sorry Bri!! Well, we couldn't not share the news with one side of the family and not the other, so Brian and I immediately hopped in the car to go to my parents house, where there was another party with my extended family.  We told them the good news and if I recall, we got a dance or two from my mother! 

 

Fast forward to the beginning of August.... Brian and I went to see the nurse practioner at 9 weeks for my first appointment.  The nurse's name was Cindy and she was wonderful.  We got to listen to the heartbeat ( I wonder which baby it was?) and that was so amazing.  As Brian said in the previous post, she only found one heartbeat though.  Because of my pituitary adenoma, Cindy decided to schedule an early ultrasound to check for abnormalities.

 

WE WERE SO EXCITED.  I had been very sick at this time and my mother had made a joke the morning of the ultrasound.  Her joke was, "Hey, maybe you're pregnant with twins!"  Yeah right mom....

 

 I don't recall the man's name who did our ultrasound but supposedly he is considered the "Yoda" of ultrastonagraphers. As the little baby came on the screen, we exclaimed and Brian said, "Holy crap."  "Yoda" then replied, "You don't know the meaning of holy crap," and moved the scope over to show us another little baby body. I realized what he meant but Brian didn't quite understand until we both told him, "twins", "there's two!" or something like that.  And then Brian swore out loud.  Haha great moment.

 

Ultrasounds are incredible.  I feel blessed to have such modern medicine and technology so that I could see one my babies move when they were only 9 weeks old.

 

Brian and I were ecstatic and astonished at the news, but I recall having to sit down and take a few breaths on the stairs before getting back in the car.  It was time to share the news!  If anyone knows Brian they know that he is a HUGE tease.  He teases and jokes with his family and mine relentlessly to the point that nobody listens to him or believes what he says.  We called up Patsy who was with Megan in Arkansas and tried to tell them we were having twins.... they didn't believe us.  It really took 5 minutes and a picture before we heard the screams of belief!  Then we conferenced Brett in... and it's so weird, but he didn't believe us either :)  After that call we called and told my parents who were at a family reunion in Wyoming and my mother screamed, "Laura's pregnant with twins!!" to the entirety of my extended family.

 

I'll fast forward through my pregnancy because to be honest, it was pretty miserable.  I remember lying in bed and feeling so sick that I would shut my eyes until I passed out from exhaustion.  My doctor was the fiery Dr. Vicki Macy, who has a reputation for handling high risk situations and being very strict.  We loved her immediately and she treated us well.  I would recommend her to anyone. 

 

 

 I only took a few pictures during my pregnancy of the babies bump because I got massively huge and disgusting, but here's one at 15 weeks.





This picture was taken right before I went to the hospital for pre labor contractions.  There were many hospital visits during my pregnancy and scary times but those babies stayed in and did amazing.

 

We found out the gender of the twins on October 9th.  Brian always knew they were boys and at the time I secretly wanted girls.... (Sorry boys! Momma loves you.) However, I could not be more thrilled about two boys.  Two identical girls during the ages 12-18?  No thank you! :) 

 

 

We called over family to tell them the good news and put two blue colored balloons in a box and had the grandma's open it.

 

I was put on bed rest at 25 weeks and the weeks somehow went by.  My two moms cooked and cleaned for me while I had to lay around on the couch all day.  Sounds nice doesn't it?  It was... for about 2 days, then it got old.  There were days that I thought it would never end and these babies were never going to come. Poor Brian. I can't count how many times I cried in his arms or how many Priesthood blessings I was given. I was so blessed that the twins stayed in my belly and how much support, love, gifts and help that was given to me for months. We would keep saying, "Okay, just make it to Christmas, just make it to the New Year, just make it to the baby shower."  And in the end we had to rip them out!!

 

Speaking of baby shower, I had the cutest one on the planet.  Big thank you to my moms, sisters (Ashley especially, she planned everything) and the blogger moms for all your help.  We got so much stuff!  Everyone was so generous.

 

I had ultrasounds every two weeks, and I looked forward to seeing their cute little bodies every time.  I had them every two weeks to check for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which is where one twin takes the nutrients from the other because they share the placenta.  Heavenly Father watched over them and they did great until the very end. Unfortunately, I think that sharing is going to be an issue in a couple of years....

 

I don't know how to turn them??

 

Dr. Macy told us that 38 weeks was full term for twins, and giving their size and my miserable state, she agreed to take them via cesarean (Crew was breech and we didn't want to risk complications) on Tuesday, February 12th.  I was so happy.  I was massive.  I was tired.  And I desperately wanted to meet my babies.  On Monday the 11th, I woke up with a sore throat that I had battled with for weeks and weeks over several courses of antibiotics.  I called Stefanie, Dr. Macy's nurse (We were just the best of friends by this point) and to my dismay she told me that we had to postpone the delivery.  I was beyond crushed.  I know it was for the best but oh was I so sad!  We rescheduled the c-section for the 15th and I was put on another round of antibiotics.  Brian brought me home flowers that night.  What a good man!

 

The night before was Valentine's day and Brian, my parents and I enjoyed a candlelight dinner and then went to bed.  We had to be at the hospital at 5 the next morning to prepare for the delivery at 7.  Needless to say I did not sleep at all, but Brian slept like a baby! Actually, he slept like a husband, because as I now know, babies don't actually sleep that long or deeply.  We woke up early, got ready, grabbed our bags, and off we went!  I'll show you the last picture I took of me on a later post- scary.

 

I was very nervous, and even though I haven't experienced true labor, I think I can honestly say I would prefer it over a c-section. I didn't like it one bit! But it wasn't long though before I got to meet my precious babies!!







 

Finn was born first at 8:12 am weighing 6 lbs 6 oz. 

Crew was delivered at 8:14 am weighing 7 lbs 4 oz.

 

 

Sorry I don't know how to turn them!! They're still cute sideways

 

 

Proud grandmas

 

 

Proud daddy

 

We stayed in the hospital for 5 days.  I wish we could still just call for food and send the babies to the nursery at night.... just kidding.  But seriously. Coming home was the most wonderful thing in the world and I'm so grateful that we live with my parents at this time.  They have been amazing and my in-laws live just a mile away and are extremely helpful as well.

 

I'm sorry this was so incredibly long.  I wanted to remember the experience of carrying my boys because it was truly a miracle.  Looking back through all the little things that could have gone wrong but didn't: We weren't supposed to have kids; we got two.  Identical twins can have serious complications in the womb; ours didn't have any. I had pre labor at 25 weeks; they went to full term and didn't spend one minute in the NICU.  Finn and Crew are happy and healthy and we love them.  They are an absolute miracle and our absolute joy.  I thank my Father in Heaven every day for their precious little souls and for letting me be their mom.  

Life at Home

So... Laura has proven to be somewhat of a lazy blogger

;)

Not like she has a ton going on or anything!

Just:

School

Finishing an internship

 BEING PREGNANT!!!

 Teaching primary

 Putting up with the best husband in the whole world ;)

and staying warm in the 15 inches of snow we've gotten the last couple days

 I mean really...

Prioritize...

(please sense the sarcasm)

 

 So I decided that I would update the blog.

 

These are a few things we've been doing lately:

 

 

 

We went to a great halloween party with some friends.

Laura was a penguin and I dressed like I do everyday and said I was a lumberjack.

Easy enough.

 



 

 

Leftover halloween candy is the best!!!

I can't help myself though and a few of these ended up being great additions to my already unhealthy breakfasts while it lasted.

 

 

I signed up for my frist triathlon just about a month ago and it was just this last Saturday. I got really lucky and they ended up cancelling the bike portion due to snow... I was lucky because I ate way too much halloween candy and didn't train nearly as much as I needed too. I thought I was going to drown a couple times!!

 

 

Byron, Courtney and I spent most of the afternoon yesterday building this!!

It was awesome and huge!!

We could all three fit inside. We felt pretty good about it when we were done.

(Byron is Laura's dad and Courtney is her sister - just to clarify.)

 

BUT!! Most exciting of all... We did find out we are having twins.

 

And no, I'm not carrying one of them although this picture may say otherwise.

 

It's also proof of all the halloween candy...

 

We went to our first doctors appointment a couple of months ago and met with the nurse practitioner. It was so weird to think that we were going to be parents. The nurse used one of the little hand-held ultrasound thingys to see the babies and it was so amazing.

 

She didn't see there were two though...

 

We waited until just after 10 weeks to go have our first full blown ultrasound with one of the techs at the doctor's office we go to. Of course by this time we would never have thought there would be twins.

 

In fact the thought never crossed my mind.

 

We got in and he started it all off. "Holy crap" was my first reaction when the first little baby came up on the big screen. It was such a cool experience to see a little life and know that it was ours.

 

"You don't know the beginning of 'holy crap'" was the tech's response.

 

He slid the little handle over and two little round orbs appeared on screen.

 

I still didn't get it.

 

"Yep, you guys are having twins!"

 

"Holy $%&!#"

 

It definitely goes down in the books as one of the biggest surprises of my entire life.

I never in a million years imagined that we would be having twins.

I've seen tons of em (twins I mean.) I've seen them at the store, the mall, all over - but never even once considered that one day I would have them.

 

I can truly say this is a miracle.

I don't know exactly why our Heavenly Father is trusting us with these two little babies.

I can't help but feel unprepared.

But most of all I feel grateful

 

WARNING!!!

I'm about to get a little religously mushy...

 

It's amazing how close we are to the other side. Already there are two young spirits that have lived for an eternity with our Heavenly Father. We don't remember them, but we know them. I like to assume they chose us to be their parents and that they are anxiously waiting to get to re-meet us.

It will be such a wonderful experience to reacquaint ourselves with our children.

 

Can't believe I'm going to be a dad.

 

And even better,

 

(Although I would have loved any child)

 

THEY'RE IDENTICAL TWIN BOYS!!!

 

Say hello to my new camping, fishing, shooting, wrestling, teasing buddies and new best friends.

 

 

We love them already.

 

Update

I'm horrible at blogging.  I really am sorry.  But since I'm awfully tired I'm just going to write the happenings of Mr. and Mrs. Messer in list form with some pictures.  I hope you enjoy!

So since the middle of April, Brian and I have:

-Gone fishing a million and a half times, and on one of these occasions, I caught my very first fish!! Hurray!  After the initial excitement, I felt bad for the fishy and decided I didn't like catching fish very much. Haha.

-Become an aunt and uncle again!  This little cutie is Knox, Ashley's first baby.  He is adorable.

-Celebrated my Grandma Clawson's 90th birthday!!  What a cutie

-Celebrated mine and Brian's 1st anniversary.  I love him more every day.

-Went on a girl's trip down to St. George with my Aunt and cousins, and Ashley surprised us and came along too.  It was the first time I met Knox and had seen Ashley since December, it was so fabulous!!

-Celebrated my 23rd birthday.  I got a bike rack, a pedicure, and a hand-held vacuum to suck up all of Brian's manly beard hair.... He says it's really a present for him.

-No picture, but I also found out that I have a tumor on my pituitary gland.  It is not cancerous (thanks heavens), but I will have to take medication and monitor it carefully.  But anyone who knows me well knows it's been a long year and a half of health issues so I'm just glad I have found out why!! Yay!!  Hopefully now I can fit into all my old clothes when the medication starts kicking in :)  All joking aside, I am so grateful that my pituitary adenoma is all that it was; it could have been much worse.  Thank you to all my family and friends who were supported me and worried about me.  I love you all.  So blessed.

I'll try to be better at my updates, allow I'm not sure if anyone reads this blog anyway.  But it's nice to let out what's going on sometimes, it's a stress relief.  Thanks to all who read.

Crazy Dreams

I've always been a crazy dreamer, but lately my dreams have been more wild than usual.  Last night I was dreaming I was on a cruise ship, and everyone started playing a game.  The game consisted of two sides of people who had a side of a tarp that somehow (you can always do whatever you want in your dreams) was able to propel water in either direction.  So the object of the game was to spray water on the other side and whoever sprayed the other team the most with water wins.  We (the people in my dream) had fun doing that for a while and then we switched to a game where two people were against each other and had to kick and spray the water at your opponent.  I was super excited and determined to win, so I bought my knees to my chest like a spring, focused all of my strength in my legs......!!!.... and KICKED Brian in the back. 

Needless to say he was not pleased.

Poor guy. Good thing he likes sleeping on the couch.

I love new things

I'm horrible at blogging.  But I'll tell you the most exciting news for us in the last little while! We got a new couch! (Believe me, when you're newly married that is way exciting!)  Our old couch we got for free from a friend and we were very grateful!  But lately it was starting to rip in the back and we're pretty sure some boards were broken.  So we were at Costco and Brian's dad was sitting on a couch while everyone was shopping and then Brian saw it and called me over... It was only 300 dollars!  It was a steal and we had to get it. 

Trent is modeling it for us!  It's a sectional that can be converted to a couch and ottoman. It makes our apartment look so much better.  I love Costco! Everyone come over and party at our place!